The Matrix Rerouted
by Greta Courtney
Summary: What if Morpheus had been straight with Neo instead of speaking in riddles?


**The Matrix Rerouted**

Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?

Neo: Sure. That's why I'm here.

Morpheus: Unfortunately, no one can explain to you what the Matrix is.

Trinity: That's not strictly true, Morpheus.

Morpheus: Oh ok. I just wanted to scare him. It's not as though we have much fun aroun—

Neo: So what is it?

Morpheus: This will seem weird but, trust me, it will get weirder.

Cypher: It means buckle your seat belt, Dorothy, 'cause Kansas is going bye-bye.

Trinity: Not yet, Cypher!

Mouse: Can I talk about the woman in the red dress yet?

All: No!

Neo: So is anyone going to tell me what The Matrix is?

Morpheus: Neo, you, me, Trinity, this room, the extras, the crew, the producer—are all just a connected dream generated by our machine overlords, and that dream is called The Matrix.

Neo: Whoa.

Morpheus: You—and almost every person—is actually lying in a bath of fluid with tubes stuck into connection points down your back and limbs. These provide you with oxygen and sustenance. The tube in the back of your neck feeds the dream world—The Matrix—directly into your brain.

Neo: No, I don't believe it!

Morpheus: Do you remember that weird metallic bug we got out of you in the car?

Neo: Hell yeah.

Morpheus: Remember how the agents took away your mouth?

Neo: But that was just a dre—

Morpheus: A dream, Neo? Like the bug?

Neo: Whoa.

Morpheus: Whoa indeed, Neo. In fact, the situation is such that multiple whoas are warranted.

Neo: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Hold up a second. Are you and Trinity in these bath things too?

Morpheus: No, we have broken free. We have visited you in The Matrix by plugging into the sockets in the back of our necks. Now we offer you the chance to be free too.

Neo: No, this can't be true!

Morpheus: Why are you being such a doubting Thomas?

Neo: Don't call me that. My name is Neo! Or should I start calling you ... Daniel, isn't it?

Morpheus: _Shh shh shhhh!_ How did you find _that_ out? Look, I'm sorry man, I'm just taking the piss. We don't have much fun around here. I can prove this is all real. Here, look at these shots.

Neo: Whoa! Is that a phone and a camera all in one? No way! What else does it do?

Morpheus: Stay with me here, Neo. See this picture from last year's Zion Christmas party? There! You can see the back of my head in that one—oh, and Cypher's too. He's the one curled up around the keg.

Neo: Man, you can take photos with your phone? Does it play music too?

Morpheus: Yes, but please pay attention, Neo! Look at this one.

Neo: That's just a fancy dress party. Look at that dork doing the pogo! No way is that guy legit.

Morpheus: He is. That's just how they dress in Zion.

Neo: What? Like in Israel?

Morpheus: No, Zion is an underground city, the only place where humans can live free.

Neo: Wouldn't they all get rickets and osteo-whatsit without sunlight?

Morpheus: No, the Matrix is set in the 1990s but we are actually two hundred years into the future. They have some seriously cool tech to keep them healthy.

Neo: Two hundred years? No way!

Morpheus: Way. And here's some nice shots of the farm towers with all the tubs. Neo, in a nutshell there was a machine uprising and now the AIs are farming humans to harness the energy from our bodies. They feed us these dreams to keep us quiet. Think Soylent Green on steroids.

Neo: Whoa. So this is really real?

Morpheus: What is real?

Neo: That's what I'm asking you.

Morpheus: If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.

Neo: Yeah yeah. Duh. I'm asking about all the photos on your cool phone camera music player. Oh man, I want one of them so bad.

Morpheus: Neo, I need you to pay attention! The farms and bathtubs and tubes are real but the life you have lived to this point in time is not.

Neo: So what happens if I take the red pill? Do I die?

Trinity: Do I feel dead, mmm?

Neo: A bit, but that's totally cool!

Morpheus: Neo, you will not die but you will finally truly live.

Neo: Is that going to be any good, though? I mean, you guys don't look too happy.

Morpheus: I won't lie to you, Neo. Reality will suck worse than anything since the agents sealed your mouth and bugged you.

Neo: Great.

Morpheus: You would experience a lot of very freaky shit that will scare you half to death and then you'll wake up in your bath. That will trip the machine's sensors. Then cables will snap painfully out of your sockets and you'll be flushed down into a waste pool below.

Neo: Dude. No way.

Morpheus: Way. We will have to rescue you from drowning because you have never actually physically used your muscles. At that point you'll be incredibly screwed up and need months of rehab until you are finally ready to live in the real world.

Neo: Why? Why me?

Morpheus: Because you are The One, Neo. Once you have recovered we will train you to fight our most feared enemies, who have easily killed all who came before you.

Neo: So you want to send me to my death? Is that why you told me to stand out on the frickin' ledge at work? Not cool, dude.

Morpheus: This is your destiny, Neo. You will defeat them and then save us all from the machines. I was told this by the Oracle.

Neo: I see. That sounds convincing. And if I take the blue pill?

Morpheus: Then the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. Remember, Neo, all I'm offering is the truth.

Neo: Gotcha. I'm outta here. I have to go job hunting now thanks to you. And dude, call me Tom from now on. 


End file.
